"It started with a girl..."
Joined: 20 Apr 2010
Location: Greenville, SC, USA
|Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2019 3:22 pm Post subject: The Talk
|Title: The Talk
Summary: Buffy and Angel have a conversation about an important shared moment from their past.
Setting: Angel's mansion, mid season 3
Disclaimer: I just found this one-shot fanfic I wrote in like 2015 or 2016. I had completely forgotten about it. It was a total brain dump - I never edited it and it's got tons of grammar issues. So don't get too caught up in the technical. But it was fun for me to find, so I hope it is for you too.
The idea of it was that it never set well with me that there was never any follow-up for Buffy about losing her virginity, particularly in the way it happened to her. That can be very damaging for a young woman. I always felt that this was an important conversation she needed to have. So it was just my mind playing that out because I wanted it for her.
It was late as Buffy set her pencil down. She pushed the textbook away from her and sat back in the chair. Bending her neck from side to side and reaching her arms out, she stretched her tense muscles. Between patrol that evening and after, studying for an exam, she was tired both mentally and physically. Crossing her arms across her chest she turned to gaze lazily across the room at Angel.
He was sitting by the fire, a pile of floor cushions as deep in color as a rich cabernet, were scattered beneath him. The fire highlighted the profile of his face as he bent over the book he was reading. She took a moment to admire him. His usually pale skin had a warm hue from the glow of the firelight. He had such a beautiful profile; the straight nose that tapered down to full lips and a strong linear jawline.
The corners of Buffy's mouth lifted slightly as she watched his brow furrow over the text he was absorbed in. It was a look of deep concentration she found endearing. The soft sound of paper echoed through the room as she viewed his long index finger gently turning a page. She knew he would not bookmark it when he laid the book aside. His memory required no such thing.
Pushing her chair back, she moved to join him and Angel raised his head and smiled warmly. His eyes held hers as she lowered herself on the cushions near him. Buffy gently pressed the top edge of the book he held in his hands so that she could better see the title.
“The Knights of the Cross. Henryk... I'm not even gonna try to pronounce that.”
“Sienkiewicz. A classic tale of love and war.”
“Relatable. Does the guy get the girl?”
“In a way.”
Buffy sighed, “Isn't that always the way?”
Angel gave a soft laugh. “Funny girl.”
She warmed at his teasing compliment. Moving forward to lay herself against him, Angel automatically opened his arm to welcome her. Buffy tucked herself against him, laying a hand against the broad expanse of his chest. She could feel the firm slope of muscle under her palm. Her blonde hair shone against the black of his thin sweater and then it was Angel's turn to admire her.
He found her so beautiful. She was sunshine and gentleness, though she never could see that about herself. The sacred duty she held as the slayer kept her too close to the coldness of the world but Angel could see it within her.
“Please don't stop on my account.”
“Would you like to hear a bit of it?” Angel asked.
She nodded and Angel began to read aloud. Buffy loved listening to the sound of his voice. He so rarely spoke in long turns that she felt it almost hypnotic. The cadence of his voice embracing her just as physically as his arms did.
Buffy's breath hitched slightly as Angel read of the protagonist's lover saving him from a certain death. Angel paused.
Buffy glanced up at his face. “Yeah. It's just very romantic...in a dark way.”
Angel shrugged, “The dark is coming. Her love and sacrifice set the course of retribution and destruction created by jealous enemies.”
When Buffy gave him a quizzical look he simply stated, “I've read it before. Years ago.”
Buffy looked back at the fire, snuggled deeper against him and drew her legs against his. “Please tell me they at least get to have some happiness beforehand.”
Angel replied, “They get a wedding night. Lovemaking of the purest form.”
He felt Buffy's pulse immediately quicken. She swallowed; a minute detail that only Angel's enhanced hearing could detect.
“Did I say something wrong?” though he suspected he knew what had triggered her reaction.
“No.” Buffy stammered. “No, not at all.”
“Buffy.” Angel closed the book and set it aside. “Is there something you'd like to talk about?”
“No. It's just... what you said. It made me think.” She glanced nervously at him and then immediately back at the fire. “Remember, really.”
“Us.” Angel stated more than asked.
Buffy was quite.
“We never have talked about. We probably should.”
“I'm not sure about that. It proved to be terrible.”
“No. It wasn't.”
Angel gently pushed Buffy up so he could look into her eyes. She tucked her legs under herself, feeling vulnerable and unsure.
“What happened afterwards, yes, that was terrible. I wish every day it had never happened but I will never regret making love to you, Buffy.”
Angel's finger lightly traced Buffy's cheekbone as he encouraged her to look at him. She lifted her face to meet his gaze. His face held an expression of determination, wanting her to believe him.
“I thought maybe...” Buffy looked aside before gaining the courage to look Angel in the eyes, “I was no good.”
“You were amazing.”
When Buffy blushed and looked at her hands where they were gripped together within her lap, Angel tucked his finger under her chin to lift her face.
“It truly was lovemaking in its purest form and I could never have dreamed for anything better. You moved me, Buffy. I'm sorry I hurt you both physically and emotionally that day.”
“Isn't that part of it? Physically, I mean?” Buffy asked.
“Most of the time. I tried to be as gentle as I could.”
“I didn't mind. I... just didn't know what I was doing.”
Angel sighed, “I hope you don't regret that. What you gave me... it's precious, Buffy. I don't take that lightly.”
Angel stood and faced the fire. “You deserve so much more. You deserve...”
Buffy joined him. The fire crackled and snapped as if to finish the statement that Angel's regret could not.
Slipping her hand into his own, Buffy tilted her head back to look at him, “I don't regret sleeping with you, Angel. Not now. There was a time, because of Angelus... but I see now. I know.” She placed her palm along his cheek and Angel's eyes fluttered closed. He leaned into her hand, soaking up the warmth that she possessed and gave so freely.
He brought it to his lips and kissed her knuckles. His eyes bore into hers as he spoke fervently, “If I could show you just how much I enjoyed it, I would. Every day.”
Buffy felt her body quiver. She had no doubt he meant it. “I wish that too.”
They involuntarily stepped closer together. Buffy's body pressed against Angel and he slipped his large hands around the small of her back.
“To learn together. To grow together.” He whispered as his eyes dropped to her lips.
In the space of a second, Angel's lips were upon hers. Buffy's arms encircled his neck as his lips captured hers and his arms lifted and pressed her even tighter against him. It was a kiss that confirmed all they had just said. They were meant to fit together like this and it was all either wanted.
Panting, they broke apart but remained close. Angel leaned his forehead against Buffy's and brought his hands up to cup her face.
“I love you, Buffy.”
“I want to.”
“Lovemaking is varied, you know.”
Buffy leaned back to look at him. “What do you mean?”
“Without being able to fully be with you, I'll never be truly, completely happy. But I can be happy.”
“I want us to be happy.”
Without another word, Angel slipped his hand into Buffy's and together they walked beyond the velvet drapes to the handsome bed that filled the next room.
Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Location: Washington, DC
|Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2019 1:18 am Post subject:
|Thank you for sharing, Crystal! This is a great read. It's so satisfying to have Buffy and Angel actually talk about this.
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