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Killing With Kindness (Spike & Willow) - R for language

 
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S J Smith
Chosen One


Joined: 10 Sep 2003
Posts: 740
Location: Scariest Place in Florida

PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 2:05 am    Post subject: Killing With Kindness (Spike & Willow) - R for language Reply with quote

Killing with Kindness Heart
S J Smith

R for naughty words and sayings and general coarse Spike.

How many times must tell you that I’m not Whedon?

For Leni, ‘cause she begged. And I’m a sucker for puppy eyes.

* * *
Can’t believe that Red caught me goin’ through her unmentionables. I mean, I’m a predator, right top of the food chain! Shoulda been able to smell her or somethin’ before she made it into the room. Hell, into the house. But no, I gotta be playin’ with the frilly knickers and it’s heave-ho for yours truly.

Guess I’m lucky she didn’t stake me.

Think she was thinkin’ on it. Didn’t know Red could get so mad.

And she got some good strong rope, too, damn it. Can’t wiggle free.

Damn it. Can’t wiggle anything.

And she’s gigglin’.

Oh, yeah, I can hear her now, don’ know what was wrong with my hearin’ when she was comin’ up the stairs. Isn’t like she walks quiet. Not like the Slayer.

Who woulda staked me if she caught me in her knickers.

Damn.

Might be better. Red’s probably on the phone with Harris tellin’ him she caught me red-handed. Bet he comes over snortin’ like a bull, upset that I touched the girl’s panties.

He’ll be the one to stake me. He’s been dyin’ to. Doesn’t care that I’m all defenseless an’ all against humans.

Bloody Initiative.

Sod Captain Cardboard.

Shoulda sent the ponce after him. That’d been a good laugh. But Angel woulda probably just dealt with his feelings and that crap rather than takin’ out soldier boy.

Red’s still laughin’.

Fuck me, this can’t be good. I mean, the girl’s laughin’. An’ I smell something...what is that? Is she cooking?

Calm down, Spike ol’ man, Red won’t shove you in an oven. She’s not that kinda witch.

Right?

Uh, oh, here she comes.

She’s smilin’.

It’s a pretty smile. I’d tell her but she’d probably kick me in the uglies. No, wait, the witch wouldn’ do that. The Slayer’d do that. So would her bleedin’ Watcher. And Harris. Don’ forget bloody Harris.

What? She’s askin’ a question. Better pay attention.

Damn, she’s cute when she’s blushin’. Why didn’ I see that before?

What does she mean, do I get ‘manly urges’? Is she askin’ if I get the horn?

Does Red have a thing for me? Not like it wouldn’t make sense for her to, I mean, take a look. Prime specimen, here. Predator, right top of the food chain! Explains why she’s got me tied up, too. I mean, she wants to know where I am. Keep tabs on me.

Wait, where’s she goin’? She’s not leavin’? Nah, she’s rattlin’ ‘round in the kitchen. Mmm. Somethin’ smells good.

Better straighten up, she’s comin’ back. Nah, slouch is better. Shows off the tackle, don’ it?

What’s she got now? Biscuits? Why’s she shovin’ a biscuit in m’mouth? I can think of other things to be shovin’ there, just lemmee get my hands free. Not a bad biscuit, though; tasty. Smile and chew, maybe she’ll give me another. All gone. Red?

Can I have...?

Fuck, she’s talkin’ again. If the Slayer an’ her little friends had a spell to harness the sheer power they put into yammerin’, they’d probably run out every demon on the world. Now what’s she sayin’?

Oh, bloody hell.

She didn’t.

Just ‘cause I was playin’ with her knickers?

Cruel, that’s what she is! Forget cute, she’s sheer evil. Dru would sit at her feet and take friggin’ notes! Damn it! When I get outta these ropes, I’ll...I’ll...bloody hell, I won’t be able to do anything! She’s got me by the short hairs, the bloody witch.

Maybe if I’m extra nice...who do I think I’m foolin’?

She’s gonna let me squirm. “Learn my lesson.”

Love to lesson her.

Damn it.

No one ever warned me about a magical saltpeter.
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"I know it gives the enemy a handhold, but somehow I feel better going to a big battle with pretty hair. " --Buffy, in Kristi's "Fallen Angels"


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Dark Star
The Powers That Be
Admin


Joined: 10 Aug 2003
Posts: 1700
Location: England

PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 11:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

S.J - this was so funny! loved Spike's predicament - and the 'manly urges' comment was hilarious! Very Happy
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S J Smith
Chosen One


Joined: 10 Sep 2003
Posts: 740
Location: Scariest Place in Florida

PostPosted: Thu Jul 08, 2004 12:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks D.S. I had tons of fun writing it. Laughing
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D.M.
Dark Avenger


Joined: 28 Nov 2003
Posts: 382

PostPosted: Fri Jul 09, 2004 2:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This one still cracks me up. Poor Spike.
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S J Smith
Chosen One


Joined: 10 Sep 2003
Posts: 740
Location: Scariest Place in Florida

PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 9:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's a hoot, innit? Laughing
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"I know it gives the enemy a handhold, but somehow I feel better going to a big battle with pretty hair. " --Buffy, in Kristi's "Fallen Angels"


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